I had similar feelings, but having been on this journey for about 2 yrs, (currently on 74 days road to forever quitting, God willing) it’s the porn that creates false feelings of intimacy. I was always someone who wanted to be in a relationship, so I always had a girlfriend, pretty long-term relationships too, but also dealing with a porn problem, so I realized that I was just longing for intimacy. Porn was always something I turned to bc my partner at the time couldn’t and wasn’t always there 24/7, obviously. And then when I became single (for the last year now), porn made me realize that it’d fill me with artificial feelings of intimacy with a stranger through a fucking screen, and when I was done and looked around me, I was all alone and it was a miserable feeling. Fast forward, all this to say, I discovered I just wanted true intimacy and I found the only person who could give that to me was Jesus. He’s always there, all the time.

You shouldn’t feel like you aren’t worthy. You are here right? You are actively working on becoming better. The other thing is your future wife should be your best friend. The one you can tell anything to. You shouldn’t be ashamed of developing a porn addiction. It is so damn easy in today’s world. So your future wife should be able to accept that and help you in recovery instead of leaving you.. nobody is perfect. You are on the path at becoming better and that is the key

I definitely have felt that way. I don’t necessarily have advice but I just want you to know that your past doesn’t define you. You are not who you were. You’re making the choice now to change and that’s what matters man. Keep going and don’t give up because it’s worth it and you’re worthy of the love you desire, but you’ll never find it in porn