Hear my story please.

(I just yapped ngl)Hi my name is Damarco or the guy who does the nba players for the amount of days I just relapsed twice and idk why I was doing good at day 20 I had met a girl she was moving fast but I never told her the truth about myself since I’m a sex addict all I wanted was sex from her I did enjoy talking to her but once we started talking about sex over the phone it was over my addiction had already won once I seen her in person I didn’t like her environment she had a child and was kinda dirty like her clothes were dirty but she claimed she was clean like std wise so me being me I said fuck it she closed the door got on top of me and just started fucking I i don’t finish ofc cause we were at here house but fucking her made me realize is this all I’m worth? Then a week later she comes to my dorm and she said she was tired but me being me I wanted sex so I did stuff that turned her on and soon as I finished I noticed that I never liked this girl her clothes were old and sum hat dirty since she had a child her tities were saggy and loose and she was 17 while I was 19 her teeth were stained yellow and she overall just stinked but I still went through with it why am I like this I lied to her about so many thing just to ghost her the same day. I never told anyone true things about myself for example I have over 23 bodies, I had sex with a trans multiple of them, I was gay and fucked lost and confused, I had sex with my cousins at a young age I was exposed to sex at such a young age from my mother who kept sex toys and videos in her closet why does a mother have that in a house for children ? I also got a girl pregnant and left her and made her get an abortion by herself and never asked how she felt I’m so sorry phoenix I’m not a good person I’m not everything I always do involves sex and I’m so tired of it I fucking hate it this fucking generation and sex the way I was raised I hated it all these girls I fucked just for me to not wanna be alive anymore I have dreams yk I wanna start a clothing brand based around psychology I wanted to go to the nba even tho I’m 5’7 I wanted to have fans so that I could interact with them unlike some athletes do I wanted to make music based on how ppl feel but don’t show it I don’t want to be instagram famous or TikTok famous I want people to see my story and say that guy went through a lot but he still came up on top I don’t want the likes the heart eyes I don’t want any of that I want people to see me and know that I’m a person to not some fucking robot who just goes in his room I apologize for all this typing it’s just my life man I’m so tired of it constantly thinking of sex I told so many people I was addicted the porn and they made fun of it like how could u be addicted to something that everyone wants ? But they don’t see the mental side of it u crave it you’ll do anything to get it and worse of all it’s free I’ve relapsed 3 times now and every time I get to my 30s i struggle I need therapy I do something is mentally wrong with me that I haven’t addressed in all these years I’m to scared to go to support groups cause what if they judge me. I always use to think there were 2 versions of me post nut clarity me and me who doesn’t nut for a couple weeks they are two different people I think what I need to do it to just not talk to any girl sexually if a girl wants to do anything sexual I simply tell them I’m a sex addict and I can’t since that will count as a relapse my goal in life is to start this clothing brand go a year without sex meet more people get better at basketball and learn that life isn’t perfect I’m not perfect people mess up that’s what makes life fun. Also DAY ZERO FOR THE BITCH ASS NIGGA JAYSON TATUMMMMMM yes im black btw