19 days in, feelings good!

I had to attend two of my nieces graduation yesterday, one is going to the 6th grade and the other is finished high school. I truly believe that stopping porn use and masturbation is what allowed me to thoroughly enjoy those moments yesterday. I cried watching my youngest niece as she interacted with her friends and just noticing how much she’s grown from a person who didn’t even care for me much as an infant to essentially being my shadow whenever she visits. And my oldest niece hit even harder since I vividly remember my sister having her first child in 2007, to me seeing her become an adult in front of my eyes. I’ll be honest to say that porn clouded many of my memories of family throughout my life. Yesterday was a genuine reminder that my focus should be on the long term gratifications of life, not instant dopamine that leads nowhere. I don’t remember the last time I attended an event and was that attentive and emotional. I woke up this morning and when I evaluated how yesterday went, I knew something felt different. Overall, I say this to say, appreciate the moment in front of you. Life truly goes fast, and porn will truly rob you of your prime years if you don’t get it in order. I’m 31 and at this point in my life, I don’t want to willingly interact with porn in that manner ever again. I want to be a dad someday, I want to be able to look at my wife (or any other woman for that matter) and not see her as just flesh. For all the homies that have gone even 3 days so far, I’m proud of you. You’re no different than the man who’s done it for 60 days. Just take it day by day. The instant satisfaction from watching the same dead pixels for that instant dopamine hit, pales in comparison to existing in the real world without the clouded judgement and anxiety from porn use.