Shot my shot…

A little down but not out. I’m actually proud of myself because my past me would have not done what I did. He would have played it safe and sat in wonder if things “would have been” and then goon and forget about it. Her silence speaks for her and that’s fine. I guess with the flirting and talks of hooking up (like 2 months ago lol) is definitely not on her radar anymore. But let me rewind a bit, for the past week or so I’ve been having these reoccurring fantasies with her, just thinking of all these things I would do. I kid you not I kept waking up with these thoughts and they’d stay there until I’d do something to make them disappear. Today was extreme! They wouldn’t leave even after I worked out and kept myself busy but those thoughts kept resurfacing! So I said screw it, imma send this text and what happens, happens. I’ll tell you what after sitting for 2 min and no response I accepted the outcome of “I shared my desire and I feel free of the swirling thoughts in my head” I kid you not I feel a little better knowing that I did this and the past me would have never done this at all and play it safe. Knowing that I can handle rejection without needing to look at porn and be present with myself is amazing! (Its been close to 2 hours and she hasn’t responded lol) When I sit back and realize why I did this, it’s because I’m longing for connection and I also need to work on voicing my desires. Anywho I’ve gone this far and I’m not giving up!