Don’t be Tense, but Don’t Relax

Two thoughts tempt me: 1. “Oh my gosh! 41 days. That’s practically a lifetime. I’m worried it’s going to reassert itself at some point, and the bigger the height the harder the fall!” 2. “Please, you’ve made it 41 whole days and you’re not even feeling it really. Maybe we can get by with a bit of a breather on all this stuff we’ve been doing. Maybe we’ll soon forget I even had a problem at one point.” These are both lies that lead to failure. The first locks a person into tension and gets them obsessing with the fear of relapsing (and thus paradoxically with the act they are addicted to). The second leads to abandonment of the tools the addict is using to maintain and build a happy, sober life, and leaves them blind to the lust crouching at their door to devour them. I will have to say no every day, but I can say that “no” peacefully and joyfully with certainty and without fear and move on with life quickly, so long as I work every day to build a life I can move on to from saying that “no.” That’s the gift that has been given to me. That’s what keeps me going. And I pray that I will be given the strength and serenity to bear this process for as long as I am given to.