I want to be closer to God and my woman

My name is Ethan and I’ve been watching porn since I was about 11 or 12 years old. I didn’t realize it was a problem until it was to late like most of us on here. I am now 25 years old and I am constantly unsatisfied with life. The things I used to love are now so lack luster and I don’t even put time into my deepest passions because I feel there is no point. I feel that my relationship of 6 years is heavily affected by this. I have made choices that I would not have made in this relationship if porn wasn’t desensitizing me more and more by the years I’ve watched it. I also feel so far from God. I feel ashamed to come to him, to talk to him like I used to . I want to have a deep relationship with Jesus Christ, the same one I had with him when I was a child. I know I have a relationship with Jesus but it’s weak I don’t talk to him anymore and I rely to much on myself. Actually the whole reason why I even started this journey is because a week ago I was going to fall into lust again. I was going to watch porn again. But something told me to scroll on TikTok first l. So I went on TikTok and I got like 4 sermon clips back to back about lust. I then cried on the final one because I feel like the beautiful human being preaching, was preaching directly to me through the Holy Spirit. To sum it up the gentleman basically said If I haven’t casted out the demons of lust in my heart in the name of Jesus Christ then the demons of lust inside of me are just going to keep pushing all of the right buttons to make sure I am always distracted, that I am always discouraged, but more importantly that I am always far from God. So I got up and started to cast out demons of lust in the name of Jesus Christ while walking across my house. But all of the sudden I felt this tight chest pain and it was a pain that was writhing left to right across my chest and it almost felt like a battle for my life was happening inside of my chest. But each time I proclaimed the name Jesus I felt like air was being breathed into my lungs and I was actually able to breathe a little easier. So it was extremely hard but I pressed on with Jesus and I made it out alive. After that I swore to Jesus that I was done with the sins of my flesh. That’s my story and I hope it inspires someone. Don’t be afraid or ashamed we need to be here for each other to let each other know that we are not alone and that through Christ our lord anything is possible!