I fucking hate hate hate hate hate this addiction

I hate how it makes me feel. I hate how it affects my confidence. I hate how I constantly feel the urges. I can’t deal with this any longer and I just want to be fucking done with this but I relapse every day. I’ve been “trying” since I was 13, and I think I’m a sex addict with how terrible I act, how I seek shit out, how I can’t get hard for my girlfriend of 3 years… it’s terrible. Self loathing kinda mood rn, sorry if it’s a lot.