Need Advice on Ex-GF
Hello Yall. 10 days fully clean here. My gf and I broke up 3 days before my birthday because she found me “gooning” on Reddit and posting some sexually charged comments like “with your body type, I feel like you’re secretly a freak in the sheets, but I agree with the others, you should join Pilates.” Never did I say “Please DM me” or “I sent you a DM.” Now I know those comments were wrong and hurtful, and she considered them as emotional cheating. I was 12 days clean, sleep deprived, drunk, and traumatized by an experience where I nearly lost my uncle, and all of this lead to my poor decision making and I consider this a relapse. Through this app, I’ve been reflecting a lot on it and realized I made lustful comments such as suggesting swinging on a resort vacation and threesomes during the latter half of our relationship. (for context, we’ve used every bedroom toy possible, made sex tapes, role-played etc.) I’ve come to the realization that this lustful behavior is direct result of my porn addiction though at the time, I didn’t think it was. I hurt her without being aware of it. Now, she told me to never contact her again, and I’m being painted as an asshole cheater to her parents and friends. I’m seeking advice on how to share my reflections with her but have no intentions of getting back together at the moment. My goal is to be 21 days sober, send her a screenshot, and ask her permission to meet somewhere publicly/neutral to apologize, reflect, and recognize that all my lustful comments were not intended to hurt her or were a reflection of her character, but a sign of my addiction that I didn’t realized was one. I didn’t recognize any physical symptoms. So do you think this is a good idea as outlined by step 8 in the 12-step recovery program “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.” Or Should I just leave it be and live with this on my conscious forever?
I also don’t expect her to take me back because of other conversations about my family and converting