Relapsed & Disappointed
I relapsed last night guys 🤦‍♂️ I was fighting the urges all day long and then I gave in. I don’t watch anything that would tempt me and even blocked stuff on my Instagram that was sexual in nature so that I wouldn’t fall. My issue is, is that it’s like this stuff is burned in my brain and I think about certain models and how they look and that’s what triggers me. And another thing that triggers me is when I’m out in public and see women with nice bodies and that also triggers me despite trying to only look at them from the neck up. It’s like I’m at war with myself as well as lust. Trying to figure out how to get this stuff out my brain, it sucks that I’m only good for like 2 or 3 days and I slip up again it’s so frustrating and I get angry at myself because I don’t want to be this guy anymore with a secret life.
The issue isn’t social media like I end up thinking about pornstars, onlyfans models and even ex girlfriends and that’s when I get tripped up. Then when I’m out in public or even at church when I see really good looking women it triggers me so I don’t befriend women or even add them on my social media accounts. I also work in the music industry so I’m constantly around good looking women and even some IG models who are pretty well known. I was slamming that panic button like crazy yesterday and using the breath work but then I finally folded. I pray every day for God to help me and give me strength to stop this. I stopped watching porn every day for awhile now and I only watch every 2-4 days when the urges get bad which is way better but I want to eliminate this completely from my life.