i jus wanna talk this idk

i met my girlfriend whilst struggling, and i ruined her confidence pretty bad 6 months in when she found out but she stuck with me, she left me around a year and a half in met someone online but really was just dissapointend in my sleeping at the time and we got back together quickly after btoh kinda hurt but when she left me i had relapsed and i told her and this hurt her but yknow we both kinda hurt eachother with what we did whilst away, now about 4-5 months after that i relapsed and didnt tell her thinking i could get over everytbing on my own and that shed never find out but i idek how but i guess just failed to incognito or but she found out and i dont know where our future lies if you love a girl and our struggling with this shit be honest i planned to lie about my relapsing i planend to never tell her but now im here and i jus spent $20 on this service that ioneenkno what truly does cause i feel i am strong but i wasnt even strong enough to not, i mean she truly is to me the most beautful girl ive ever seen i had a real bad addiction with porn since i was 12 and im ig desensitized to the entire human thing but her shes shes so different and i could really lose her righ now