I was lustful instead of trustful

My addiction, not only to porn, but to sex started around 12 when I watched my first porn video. I was then molested multiple times by my cousin not too long after. It really kicked into hyper drive once I lost my virginity just turning 15. All throughout high school I was NOT the man I knew I needed to be. I knew God all my life, but I used to blame him for most of my problems rather than understanding the fact that I was causing most of them with my poor decisions and judgements. And also simply the act forgiving which I could never grasp. I’m here now about to be 24 in a couple months and I still reflect on all my relationships from the past. I’ve cheated countless times on countless amounts of women I’ve broke a lot of hearts and had many foul names spewed my way. I really thought that’s all I’d ever live up to be because, well, I deserved it right? Until God brought me back in and showed me that my mistakes didn’t define me they didn’t need to all I was, that I could be more. Let me tell you he’s not wrong. I’ve been praying for a way to help me stop watching porn as it is something I do still struggle with. Lo and behold I find this app filled with nothing but for support for exactly the thing I need. I have a fiancée now who I love dearly and I’ve finally learned self control over adultery, yet watching porn still puts those thoughts in my head and I don’t like it. I am 5 days strong now and I couldn’t be prouder of myself I am already feeling more confident not only in myself but with the Lord as well. I encourage all who are struggling to find meaningful reasons of change to put down. Really take the time to think about why you want this, so when you need it hit that panic button like I do at times you know exactly why you need to keep your strength. It’s all a mental game and with God by your side it’s not even a competition trust me. Love y’all stay strong🙏🏼