Today is the first day of the rest of my life!

I really want to quit watching porn. I’m 27 now and I can’t remember when I first started watching it but it was definitely in high school. It got to a point where it was my night time ritual as a way to fall asleep. Throughout my schooling life I had minimal female contact because I went to an all boys school. I feel like my porn shaped my perception of women and I struggled to find a relationship. 3 years ago I met this amazing woman and we fell in love, she was my first real true love. For the most part I was able to fight my porn addiction when I was with her but I did find myself sometimes falling back into my old habits. Whenever I did watch it I felt it made resentful towards her as porn shaped my expectation of how our sex life should be. I wouldn’t directly be mean to her but I felt dull towards her and didn’t treat her right and felt like I didn’t want her. I was so delusional and I wish I checked myself when acting that way. Not only that but watching porn would destroy my self esteem and I loose my confidence and feel less of a man. She knew I had this problem and she was very forgiving and understood. I was working towards it but I’d relapse. This addiction wasn’t the sole cause of us breaking up there’s multiple different things I need to work on to be in a position to be in a relationship. I still miss her and I she knows I can be an amazing person if I overcome issues like this. In addition to my story I also want to mention that watching porn ruins my clarity and my drive. It had a lasting effect into the next day and I feel like I can’t motivate myself to do the work I need to do. As I said, today is the first day of the rest of my life where I make myself accountable and make the difficult move and over come this addition to bring positive change in my life. Seeing this platform day after I had watched it was my sign to put in the work. It’s going to be hard but I’m going to stay committed. Wish me luck and all the best to everyone on here ✌🏾