I’m so close to relapsing

Try some mitigations out maybe. It’ll feel like you’re actively stopping yourself rather than waiting for something that is inevitable. Try putting your phone/laptop across the room from you at night. Or make it a rule to keep your clothes on when you sleep. You know you more than anyone so do some brainstorming. Simple the better

If you want to be better it starts with loving yourself

Get your mind off it. Distract yourself.