The Arrows

There’s a Buddhist proverb about suffering. The first arrow is a negative experience. Let’s say you watched porn (Arrow #1). Soon after you feel shame, guilt, sadness about failing (Arrow #2). Although both could be considered optional, arrow #2 is truly what’s holding so many people back. The shame creates this feeling of conditional love. “If I make it to 30 days then I can love myself.” The funny thing is you’re not gonna make it to 30 days without loving yourself first. My point is that the shame after relapsing is what often leads to more relapsing. You don’t have to take the second arrow. If you relapse, you can learn. You can show yourself love and compassion. And accept that although you relapsed, you will use it as a learning experience. You’re not a bad person. You’re a person who made slipped up. Doesn’t define you. This is really important for those who feel like they can’t stop relapsing (been there). Is there some shame there? It’s not porn that creates shame. Shame is from within. Your choice how you respond to messing up. It may seem like you need to shame drive you. But ultimately it is a losing strategy. Your love for yourself becomes conditional when it shouldn’t be. Stay positive everyone.