I respect myself

I was supposed to be 8 days clean today but I have been a coward these last 6 days. I stopped caring and just went all in almost watching and jerking everyday multiple times but everytime I did it I forced myself too. I didn’t get an irresistible urge. I barely got triggered I simply took time out to go do it. And it’s not because I truly wanted to I more so did it because I know that I was not supposed to do it. And for some reason that made me angry. I think I’m dealing with some serious issues of self care and respect. Today I will make a change no matter how small. And that change will be the beginning of my success. I’m tired of feeling disgusted with myself. I can be more than what I hold myself down to be. Stop holding yourself down and let go!