What’s the race God has set before you?

Hebrews 12:1 NLT “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.” So what’s my race? God desires me to be married to a proverbs 31 woman to healthily direct my passions. Maybe that’s my girlfriend now, maybe not. He’s called me to soberness and victory/true repentance from sexual sin and numbing agents like alcohol that blind me to His grace. He desires me to be a man of God that the demons fear because I’m actively advancing the kingdom and spreading the gospel. How does porn slow me down? It’s like trying to run an obstacle course blindfolded. Theoretically possible, but much slower, and I’m far more likely to stumble and make mistakes. Why is the binge/purge cycle is brain problem? Counting days and streaks doesn’t replace and rewire pathways. It keeps mentally activating pathways that must be killed to break free. 30 days means nothing if you’re constantly thinking about it. What part of the cycle do I relate to? Going extreme on faith, prayer, fasting, and abstinence but then relapsing into sleeping with a classmate and binging for porn several days afterward giving up hope. After bouncing back, I was being faithful and seeking help from other guys but then being tempted with sexual massages and relapsing on the websites. Why is simply trying harder not enough? This addiction started when I was 9. It because a trauma response to numb out the death of my mom and feel good in a world of isolation and depression. It’s not something I can just try harder to break - it necessitates an entire lifestyle change holistically. It must be fully surrendered to the Lord. God is love. Love is patient and kind but God is also a jealous God. You cannot love Him with your whole heart mind and soul while loving your sin.