90 day reflections

Folks, I made it to 90 days. Long post, but here’s what I’ve learned and what’s helped me: 1. No one ever shamed themselves into quitting. It just doesn’t work. Try love instead. I love that I’m trying. I love that I can see progress. I’m not perfect but I love that my imperfections give me a chance to improve and stay humble. And, surprisingly, I love that God lets me struggle, because the win feels a little sweeter when I know He’s there helping lift and support, but not letting me off easy. 2. Practice. You have to engage the subconscious. Your mind is great at making things seem real, so playback your relapses and make a different decision in your mind. Do it so many times it feels real. Then when the real urge hits, you already know how to beat it. That memory of success will help keep you on track. 3. Don’t hide from it or disengage. This is a fight, for sure, and no one ever won a fight by throwing up your guard and waiting for the other guy to stop throwing punches. So in addition to practice with urges, find the tools that work for you and use them. Breathing exercises, distractions, whatever it is, find your tool set and use it. Stay active, stay in the fight. 4. Setbacks happen. It doesn’t make you a bad person or mean you’re stuck forever. It’s one round of the fight. Get up, get back in it. Learn from them. I got really good at just trying to move on from a relapse. Then I started to get curious. What set me back, specifically. What feelings was I feeling, or trying to avoid. How did it start. When did I actually decide to view again (turns out it was always much earlier than I thought). What triggers can I identify and how can I manage them more effectively? Get your tools together and then make the playbook and start collecting data. There will be some trial and error. It’s part of the process. 5. Even though this is a fight, fighting urges doesn’t work for me. Allowing urges makes all the difference. Think judo instead of boxing. A podcast I find helpful describing this is Overcome Pornography for Good. She talks about trying to hold a beach ball under water. You can do it for a bit, but it will try to reach the surface eventually. Instead, what if you just let the beach ball float away on its own? This works especially well with practice because you can preemptively experience the urge and your brain can make it feel very real, so practice allowing urges can be a game changer. 6. You don’t have to be perfect for ever. Sometimes it only takes five seconds. Urges pass, especially if you’ve practiced allowing them. And you don’t have to solve it all at once. Just winning the next round is good enough to keep going. Finally, here are some tools. Hopefully you can get to these links: Huberman Lab episode on dopamine: https://open.spotify.com/episode/42F7z6Z4CB8hJAstRqMCiV?si=PgS6znpARCOm44FnsewCAg Link to a book and tools I found helpful. FULL DISCLOSURE - if you buy the ebook you’ll get called to sign up for their program. You don’t have to do the program, but by buying the book you will get access to a video on a tool called positive mind management. IMO, that one tool is worth the $7.95 and the couple of marketing calls you’ll get (IMO). The book is okay but the positive mind management tool is killer. https://www.nolimitshypnotherapy.com/e-bookdownload?utm_source=resources.nolimitshypnotherapy.com&utm_medium=blog_cta&utm_campaign=resources_ebook&utm_id=resources_ebook Overcome Pornography for Good podcast. Lots of episodes with helpful tools and stories. She’s also selling a program, but the podcast is free. https://open.spotify.com/show/390wUtw09EFJY8jFYfbqMF?si=0OmQGgJGSDqwDICmHP_V7w Bottom line for me: God knows me and He could eliminate this today if He chose. Why doesn’t He? What does He want me to learn if He’s letting me struggle? Could it be that the struggle is what defines me, and refines me? Is that what He’s really after, a better, more refined version of me? Isaiah 48:10 - Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction⁠. I testify that it’s possible to win. In the name of Almighty God, it can be done. And I don’t think God condemns us for weakness. I think He allows it so we can learn from it, so we can be His valiant servants, so that we can testify that through the grace of Christ Jesus, we are truly saved. So let’s get after it, friends. By the strength of God, we cannot fail.