Advice.

For the past 3 i have been in a cycle. Every time I relapse I lose all the drive to continue and I don’t just mean motivation because I do a lot of things without motivation. It’s been a cycle of getting to day 4 then relapsing again Then I feel like shit. Everytime I restart I don’t feel like I really am quitting because “I choice to relapse or I choice to fap” and it messes everything up. I don’t even really get bad temptations and what’s going on is strange. Sometimes I don’t feel interested and just emptiness then random sexual thoughts. I’m going through chronic insomnia right now as well and I have been trying my best. Basically I can’t make past day 3 or 5 because of a cycle. So I need some advice to get out past the day 3 mark. Recently I had a relapse, I was having a severe insomnia episode and around 6 am sexual thoughts of eating to feel intimacy and wanting genuine love and also just feeling tired and lonely and guess what I did watched porn. Im not super addicted to porn itself but rather fapping, porn to me ( idk if this is true fir everyone) isn’t as addictive as simply busting a nut porn is only addictive when you fap to it for example imagine when you watch porn you get excited but watching porn alone isn’t what’s going to get you to be stimulated it’s fapping to porn that makes you stimulated. Recently I fapped while watching porn and it broke me. I’m just tired and need help. Currently I am getting help with my insomnia problems.