Why I turned to porn
I’ve had a very rough day today resisting the urge to fap and look at porn, specifically fetish related porn. It annoys me that I feel this urge but it has also reminded me why I turned to porn in the first place. Porn has been an escape for me for many years, a coping mechanism in a way. Rough life at home? Calm down and turn your worries into kinks, drifting off into la la land where your pain is your pleasure. Over the years, my life has become significantly better but I still carry a lot with me. The way I was raised and experiences I had being young don’t just go away, and so porn still served a purpose in my life. Now, it’s a new purpose, same old story. Struggle in real life, turn to porn to cope. Nowadays it’s about making up for a life I wish I had, on the sex side of things, sometimes I wish I had experimented more, got out into the world more. I’m still young but am in a committed relationship of 3 years, the only person I have had sex with and likely the only person I ever will with, which is absolutely great and I’m grateful for it. But this is where it gets tricky, I have what many wish for and still, that desire to have “lived a little” sticks even though deep down, this life is what I prefer. So porn has become a way for me to live that life and experiment without changing my “real life”. But recently that urge has just grown stronger, making me want to live it irl, affecting my relationship and my mental health. I’m not sure what to do about this other than keep moving forward and hope that the absence of porn in my life will push me to desire better things in life
I’ve been saying nearly the same words, my friend. My mind is shot, I can’t remember where, probably in reply comments in QUITTR Chat. Maybe taking it out with Melius. But yeah. Stuff happened for me in youth, in the Navy. I turned to porn because I couldn’t deal, I couldn’t do real people relationships. I haven’t gone to to much of a pain extreme, but I’ve gone way out of the norm in my porn. I’m 55 now. Been married 24 1/2 years to the only person I’ve had sex with. Finally kicking this addiction away. Hang in there. I’m doing this because my wife, my God and my health are more important. My long term is more important than the moment, so I’m making the momentary choices to go do something else (like clean toilets—what a horny mood killer!) to have the better years. I believe you will to. You got this.