Someone has to know

I was edging and the most foul thought came into my mind right before I finished. I sat there for a very long time feeling like a monster. Knowing that I conjured that thought and gained pleasure for but a moment from it. I refuse to believe that was me. That was the addiction and the need for pleasure and the grasping at anything to maintain it. I find more about myself that I love when I stop, and I find more reasons to hide myself when I start. Let this be a reminder that you are not your addiction, and it may look messy, but you are still in there. Much love and may God bless mine and all of your journeys <3