Unfortunately I relapsed but u can all learn from my mistakes

I hope this post gets saved so everyone can read and learn. I almost reached 17 days I was less then an hour away but I felt this relapse coming. It was a tough couple of days the most I’ve ever struggled I was going to go crazy my thoughts spiralling I couldn’t even focus at work I thought I was going to explode it’s the most pain I’ve felt - I’ve been addicted for so long since I was 12 and now I’m 27 which makes sense why almost 17 days made me feel like a crazy man. I know what my triggers were and I know what I could have done to help myself do better and ease the struggle so I’m going to write a list and hope u can all learn from it. I’d like to say as well I am ashamed of the relapse but proud that that is the longest I’ve gone without doing it so I know I’m going to quit and do better next time and I remain hopeful everyone quits too. More so I’m ashamed at the content I’ve viewed it’s a new thing that I’ve been tempted by the past few days and something I never viewed or thought about before and it’s probably because of how down bad I’ve been that temptations increase in all forms and had me really question myself and my identity - this is a safe space so I shall be honest. I love women - always have and always will but this craziness the past few days even had me tempted by trans women. (Note: letting all this out I pray I’ve gone past this and won’t be tempted by such things again in fact I have no feelings or attraction towards that and I never did before the past few days) But that is just a trick of the devil and these temptations were to make me fail and they beat me this time but I know in my heart who I am and what I am and I know they have no real control over me and I am clear in my identity and what Got wants me to be and who I know I can be. I shall pray and repent for my sins and work to improve myself and won’t fall for these temptations again because it was also all a test and I failed but this failiure and emotional reflection now reminds me of who I really am and what I’m meant to be and not be confused or questioned by my mistakes. This is a safe space and I’m not ashamed to share that so others who might relate know they’re not alone and others can also learn from my mistakes too. Here is what I should’ve done: 1. Delete social media (full of temptations) 2. Restrict my internet access 3. I went cold turkey but didn’t try to fill my time with other useful activities like working out to release stress and gain dopamine in a healthy way and more stable way, not just working out but I could have taken up a new hobby because quitting makes your dopamine drop and resets your levels and receptors so you begin to enjoy life more. 4. Shown appreciation and love for myself for the struggle I’ve been going through and know that I’m still a good person despite these sinful flaws. 5. Given my self some rewards for the achievements like going a week without doing it - go to the movies by myself so I can learn to enjoy my own company more confidently. Maybe at 2 weeks get myself a little something and so on so on. 6. It’s only in the last few days I felt myself going back to God when I should have gone back at the start - I felt ashamed to go back when I was weak but what good does that do, whether I’m down or up God will always have a place for me. 7. I love to read but I’ve been procrastinating reading for a while - I should force myself to read at least a chapter a day and slowly fall back in love with reading - I’m really in to sci fi and fantasy stuff because it’s captivating and interesting. 8. I’ve dealt with adhd for years but never got the help I needed for it and that should be the goal of mine now because porn and fapping makes it worse. 9. Be more confident in my decisions so I can have better control of my mind and body and not fall to the passengers seat while my urges drive me around. 10. Come here and connect with others in the forum - this is a safe space and community that we can all relate to each other. Thank you for taking the time to read this I hope it was helpful 🙏🏼