Battle buddies: Day 9
Mornings are still my most brutal battles. I woke up naturally today without any pain this time, but at 5 am again. I was still tired and half asleep for most of it. I stopped relapsing at one point because my mind was running wild with old girlfriends and love interests. I guess I never got over them…..It was like I was awake, but I wasn't at the same time if that makes sense. It's bizarre and dangerous for my streak. I'm convinced that my imagination is the most challenging obstacle to overcome with this streak. I don't know how to control it because I love to draw and write. Thankfully, nothing happened this time, and once I got out of bed and listened to Hallow, I calmed down. I pray to the Lord that he continues to help me improve my willpower to sin no more. That I may one day I can move on from my past. To my battle buddy Robert: I'm still in this race to the finish line and I believe that this morning is part of my test to finally move on from my past. I didn't realize how much I thought of my past relationships but I think I know what the Lord is trying to tell me. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV) I need to try and move away from the past. Hopefully by the time our 90-day goal is reached I will be able to finally move on from my past.
I think you are wise in starting to break down your stumbling blocks methodically. When you can address it, you can shine light on it. Make sure to deal with those pasts honestly and not shove them down so they come back at a later date. I feel your pain, I’m finally grieving a relationship that ended last year. Truthfully I still have the ring I was going to propose with in my safe. I do still love her and have surrendered it over to God. I encourage you to read Psalm 32. It’s a reminder of how sin makes us feel, it’s a reminder of why we stopped letting porn have control over us, it’s a reminder of why we have turned to God. I love you brother in Christ! I pray you are able to conquer your coming morning!