I feel stuck

It’ll just be this on and off thing. Where some days I’ll go without even masturbating at all and then it’ll just hit me like a freight train and I break the streak. I hate myself for that. It’s all so frustrating. Worst of all, every time it happens I feel awful or just numb. I want to walk away so badly. I pray for forgiveness from the Lord and it really feels like I don’t deserve it. I went a full day yesterday without giving into this sin. I’m just frustrated with myself with how often this cycles.