What do you feel when you relapse

It kinda feels like what the Biblical illustrations were of Adam and Eve after their sin; as if all the sudden they needed clothes even though they never did before. It’s as if I try to cover myself up and hide from judgement.

I feel guilty and disgusting after. And I feel like I fail God every time. Why would he want a follower that always falls into lust?

I usually feel tired and anxious. I withdraw and stop interacting with my family like I normally do. I’m less happy. I’m more prone to anger and irritation. I can’t say how they see me, but I usually feel pretty filthy when I compare myself to them.