Why do/did you look at porn?

Let’s change up the flow. Why did I look at porn? (Because it was exciting as a kid) What did it promise me? Instant gratification, no commitment, no rejection. It made me feel good What actually happened? Instant regret after believing it would bring gratification, fear of rejection and inability to have a healthy relationship because my actual partner wasn’t a porn star. Missed opportunities because the girls that didn’t look like porn stars was the very girl I wanted. Couldn’t stop masturbation Truth: porn, kept leading me to curiosity, so when I got bored with just masturbation I would look at girls I didn’t even know and masturbate. Until they no longer satisfied me. I turned to other belief well maybe girls aren’t for me because I never could keep a relationship. So what about homosexuality? I got along great with Guys (though short lived) now I have to be able to compare. Results back to girls. Homosexuality never made sense to me and it was not something that felt right. Lucky I never fully committed with any guys. Still struggling with girls though because the ones I was attracted to weren’t the girls that were showing interest in me. So I stayed single. Back to porn. Fast forward. Gave my heart to Jesus turns out the girl that had a crush on me back at the beginning of my journey in Christ wasn’t slim fit and athletic. But ended up being the missed opportunity because she fit all that now and still loves Jesus. Present day: no longer to I struggle with porn, and I don’t just view girls as objects. So now I want to respect them and honor them while still feeling unworthy to have them.. The truth is the more I realize that porn, masturbation, and sex outside of marriage destroys what it truly means to love someone the more annoying it is when we make excuses. Cause I had plenty of. What’s your reason?