How addiction works…

I know I’m merely just 24 days, but I do know my fair share of neuroscience, psychology, theology, and philosophy. This being said, I want to explain something. There are two types of coping: healthy and unhealthy. Addiction at its core is unhealthy coping. So why do we cope? We cope because we are trying to soothe a trauma or wound. This trauma or wound NEEDS to be addressed if you want to stay sober. Personally what worked for me is a mixture of two psychotherapy models: IFS (internal family systems) and ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy). I believe I cannot change how I feel. This is what porn tries to do as it is a drug. I must accept (not white knuckle or deal with) the pain or negative emotion I am going through. I must accept that I am hurting and that’s okay. In acceptance of my pain, I can then continue to commit to my convictions (porn is unethical and I want to be a virtuous/excellent man). So here’s the hard part. Whenever you feel something negative—DO NOT RESPOND IMMEDIATELY. Take your time, but make sure you respond with a regulated mind. For example, a friend comes up to you and says, “did you hear what sally said about you? She said you were mid or 5/10.” THIS IS THE MOMENT WHERE GROWTH HAPPENS. Do not push down what you feel. Acknowledge it hurts. Then look at why you care what sally thinks. Is it because your mother never affirmed you? Is it because you felt abandoned? There’s no need to feel embarrassed or ashamed at sally calling you a 5/10. So why do you feel the way you do? Figure it out and allow yourself to mourn and just hurt brother. In practicing this, over time you will become regulated and in control of your reactions. When you’re regulated you will not fall because of the understanding and commitment to your convictions you will possess. So I want to ask you some questions you should journal and think about: 1. What hurts? 2. Do you feel like you’re not capable or don’t have what it takes (I’m not a man)? 3. Do you feel unloved or (neglect, abandonment, disliked, etc)? Salud boys