Jealousy
I kinda just want to vent here so if no one wants to read all of it then I understand but idk who I can tell this but ever since I was watching porn I was so jealous of other ppl who I seen had it all together while I was struggling which made my jealousy go up it hasn’t recently been that bad but this girl I like in my friend group I want to wait to ask her out because I feel like it would be to soon so when other niggas come up to her and they dressing better then me I get jealous and just shut down like I don’t even say Wsp to the dude or anything I just shut down and get on my Phone and then don’t say anything I really like this girl and want to get to know her more we’ve been spending time together as a friend group but sum times I want it to just be us but I’m so awkward and I’m trying to work on it I really am I don’t wanna be accepted by anyone or look cool in some one’s eyes I just want to be happy with my self and my life I’m working on my personality each day Ik I’m not the smartest person graduated with a 2.8 but that’s honestly cause I don’t pay attention but it’s just I love hard and i don’t cheat I’m really loyal I’m a black guy 5’7 with locs and a average build I’m not ugly cause multiple people told me I’m not ugly but what if she doesn’t like me I’ve already done this 3 times tried shooting my shot and they all said no but what it all had in common was that I didn’t really know them I rushed it that’s why I want to wait to ask her but what if I’m to late I want to work on myself first before I go for her which is going ok besides the jealous thing everything is going ok I’m happy I might delete insta again I felt happier without but now that I have it I’m not as bored but at night I stay up I’m just going off topic I like this girl we been spending time together for a few weeks(2 weeks) but I think I should wait work on myself still clear my acne up then when the time is right I’ll ask her why am I jealous have no reason to be I just gotta be patient the time will come until then imma work on my future and get this money so that way I’m ready for the not saying imma be outside just want a good body sorry for this long vent but besides this I’m not thinking about porn that’s the last thing on my mind all I can think about is her she’s so nice so sweet and funny I don’t look at her body like most niggas do I really like her personality the way she laughs the way she looks when her glasses come off how she carries her self but I just think I need to wait a little longer maybe till next month that way we can spend more time together I just need to work on this jealousy thing sorry for essay tho guys if u did read the whole thing tho thank u ❤️
Yea I don’t wanna wait but I also want to take it slow and I also don’t want to lose her cause I feel like she does like me but I do tend to move fast in my relationships and I’m so used to rejection idk how to handle it now but imma see how today goes because we are supposed to hang out today so if this goes good then I’ll ask her maybe tomorrow but we’ll see but I do need to get out my comfort zone more I been leaving my room more but I still find myself stuck in here sum times which I don’t mind cause I do be tired but imma keep going imma see the whole thing through