I find myself having to relieve my urges at work (firefighter) due to me living with my fiancé. it's difficult. we are in a spot where sex is scarce due to medication and health conditions. i find it very difficult to avoid relieving my urges. i'm hoping to make this change before my wedding near the end of the year
YES^^ PLEASE TELL HER. THIS WILL RUIN YOUR MARRIAGE.
It might be the hardest thing you ever do, but you need to tell your fiancé before you get married that you are struggling with it. Carrying this secret into your marriage is doomed to destroy it before it even begins. I told my ex-wife about my past struggles with porn when we were dating. I had made it two years without a relapse at the time, and not too long after that we got engaged and married, without me lapsing. I even made it the first 6 months into our marriage before I relapsed. From there on, I struggled in secret, lying to her, and never telling her I relapsed and it was one of the killers of my marriage (porn is not the only reason my marriage ended, but that’s a story for a different time). The secrecy, sneaking behind her back, and the effects it had/has on me physically eroded our marriage. You have to tell your fiancé. Yes there will be consequences, but this relationship is the most important one in your life. I can guarantee she would rather know now and be there to support you than to find out years into a marriage how much you struggle with it.
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she's aware of my struggles but it's been bad recently due to lack of sex due to medical reasons on her end and i don't want her to blame herself