Help

This is the longest I have made it in a long time. I’m a little over 21 days sober from porn and masturbation. Note (I’m a religious man, have been religious my whole life, but I struggle with same sex attraction) I have had so much anxiety worrying about my future and what it holds for me. I don’t want to be alone, really, but I don’t want to disappoint God. As I have gotten farther and farther into my sobriety it was difficult with urges and I was proud of myself, but I just have been really down. I have been being a better person, attending church, donating money, being kind to others, but I just have felt down and like God is punishing me although I want to be better. I’m almost like what’s the point? I’m trying to grow in my relationship with Christ but it’s like I’m on the phone on hold. I feel as if he doesn’t like me right now. I know this isn’t true, but my mental has been bad and I almost have been tempted to give back into the urges because what’s the point if I try to be a good person and I’m punished for it? Anyway I just wanted to vent because nobody knows me. Thanks for taking the time to read this if you did and good luck.