I’m crashing out

I was doing good but the last week or so I’ve just been dipping into it every day. I feel like I have no self-control feel like repentance is a spit in the face at this point, but I’m gonna do it anyway. I just don’t know why I can’t control myself. Seems like I think about it more now than I did a month ago. It’s just me that wants to do it. It’s not even like things set it off sometimes I don’t know. Maybe I’m seeking the relief this week. That’s no excuse but that’s maybe where I’m at good or bad. Pray for me I can feel the sense Poly up even though I know they’re already gone but still feel like I’m adding to it. Sounds like I’m running from like I should be. I can just get past this so pretty much everything else in a decent spot. I’m just still stuck on this and it sucks.