A life of lies

My girlfriend loves me more than anyone in the world. She sees the best in me. She’s beautiful and caring, and one of the gentles souls I’ve ever known. And yet little does she know there’s a part of me that’s been consuming itself for almost a decade. Ever since I first start beating off around 6th-7th grade, I have used my imagination more than anything else. The ability to picture myself with my crushes or girls I found myself interested always came easy. Nonetheless, I still obviously used porn time to time. Recently, however, with the advancements in AI, I have admittedly used paid softwares to combine both visual porn and my imagination. Face swapping technology and clothes-removing AI are so convincingly good that I have turned what was my imagination into real porn. Porn of old crushes, girls I would genuinely just call my friends, most also my girlfriend’s friends. When I do it I see the repulsive nature of it, yet I still do it. In those moments, I always realize that it is truly an addiction. It will catch up to me, it’s only a matter of time. I pray to God I have the strength to conquer it before that day comes. I’ve been doing this alone for so long.