Keep going
It’s weird to me. I remember when I first got this app, and I was so motivated. I was able to go a few weeks before the first relapse. During that time I was so happy and felt the light returning to my life. Unfortunately I relapsed and picked myself up and knew if I beat myself up too much that it would do no good. I started again. But of course, a couple more relapses occurred, and I got into a weird headspace. I told myself it didn’t matter anymore. I mean what was the big deal if I did it occasionally. I tried to justify it, and I wanted to feel better about myself. But it’s impossible to feel better about yourself when you do something to actively tear yourself down. I knew I would only truly be happy when free from this addiction. But then something weird happened, as I began this new streak, the feelings of confidence and peace that have normally come to me after a few days of abstaining didn’t come. I still felt empty and depressed. The thoughts came to me to relapse and that it would make me feel better. I recognized those as obvious lies, but in a period of my life where my stress is extremely high, the bigger the lie the bigger the temptation. Maybe I wrote this out for myself only, but maybe someone might enjoy reading it. Despite making it a week, I don’t feel any better this time around. But seeing that number continue to go up is something that keeps me waking up and trying to be better, if only marginally. One day I’ll make it
Yeah, I’ve changed my ways, I’m fully following Christ now. I’m 10 days in but it feels like it’s been weeks the last time I fell short, but we’re going to have ups and downs, just need to make sure that at the minimum, we don’t give in. When you feel like giving in, ask yourself, Are you going to make God smile by staying strong, by his side, or give in to the guy down there, for a few seconds to satisfy your weak flesh. I’ve realised that my flesh is super weak, whether it’s craving secular music, sugary foods, lustful acts, so now I control my flesh and lead it with my mind, although sometimes it’ll feel like it sucks not being able to get a quote on quote good feeling for a few seconds, you’ll be happier when you’re free from this addiction. Think of it as people having drug addictions, this is our addiction, and we’re all fighting hard to flee from our addictions. God bless