What’s the relapse?

I want to grow out of doing both. I’m proud of myself for not watching anything for a couple day now but I’m also upset at myself for fantasizing and fapping. Part of me wants to reset my counter because I don’t want to be okay with making this ok but also every reset feels like hitting rock bottom.

Watching porn, though the goal is not to do either. And to remain focused on growing out of self-pleasure and giving in to lustful thoughts and actions. So, doing either doesn’t help in that general goal, so I ask you back, what do you think is best to accomplish and be better?