Struggles with following the plan

I know that the Lord has a path set out for me, but it seems like I’m surrounded at times, and I can feel our relationship dwindling. Recently, the Lord has laid on my heart thoughts of marriage, of a lasting career, of a wife. I want that, and I think that it’s there for me if I just take it. I recently had a good clean streak of around 2 weeks, and surprisingly met a couple of women who said that they had crushes on me, asked me for my number, etc. Haven’t had that in a long time, I’m pretty young rn but still. Life has been pretty great as of late, which is mostly why I haven’t turned to the Lord in a minute. Ive been reading the bible, studying conflicting worldviews, studying biblical history, but never actually praying to the Lord. I thought I was doing so well, I thought I had found my stride and was on the path that God laid out for me. Then I recently got sick (fever symptoms and whatnot), started having to call out for work, and being by myself most of the day with my own thoughts. Then, when I least expected it, I was tempted just now and restarted all of my progress. I’m sickened that I felt aware of what I was doing but went along with it anyway. I didn’t even try to stop myself or pray or nothing. I just wanted to get it over with, to feel good for the first time today. I’m sorry for rambling, but I think that sometimes I have too many thoughts that go unsaid and I later feel like I should’ve captured my feelings in the moment. I’ve deleted a couple apps, and want to check back in to this app more often and update how I’m feeling - mostly for myself. I’m mostly saying this as a reiteration of my own feelings, but try to cling to love. Love has been the only thing that has had me on multiple month streaks, and thinking of a woman that fulfills that for me and more is all I need rn. I want that for you guys as well. Until tmr