My Story

So one of the videos I watched on here was, “Escaping Porn Addiction” and he talked about sharing your experience to open the door to more conversations so we can get more help. I relapsed yesterday and I got to thinking, “why? Why can’t I just break this already?” And thought about why I even got addicted in the first place. It was back in high school when I was first introduced to the world of pornography. At this point in my life, I had been severely bullied for being short all through elementary and partly through middle school. I didn’t get any attention from women and did not handle rejection well. I was the definition of those “nice guys”. I was bitter and angry and lonely. I was attending youth group and Sunday service, but I never took it seriously like I should’ve. So when I started looking at porn, I would feel better about myself. That feeling of “wow, I love this” of course now I know that’s a fake feeling, a temporary escape that would only lead to further destruction. I kept going down the porn rabbit hole and and was viewing it daily and masturbating 2-3 times a day. Much like drugs, you get used to the stuff you’re using and seek out something else to get you that “high”. And that’s what happened. The most depraved stuff porn could offer, I watched. It got even worse when I discovered the world of animated porn or hentai. Any fetish I could think of was freely available to me and I would continue with this addiction with no remorse for years. When I got back into my faith, which was around late 2018, I knew this addiction had to stop, and I’ve been actively battling it ever since. However, I never took the battle as seriously as I should have. It was only until getting this app that I try to take up arms and fight daily against this evil. God has been patient and merciful and his love is endless. He showed me this app after a particularly bad relapse. I’m now in a relationship and my gf is aware of this issue I face and I’ve showed her this app to help me. She struggles with a nicotine addiction, so she was sympathetic and we both agreed to stop our addictions for the other and ourselves. I’m active in the church as much as I can be, pursuing my hobbies and trying to accomplish my dreams. I’m in the best shape of my life and trying to workout more everyday. Even though I still struggle with this, I know I’m not alone. I see everyone here share their victories and failures and it motivates me to keep trying. I’m going to try to do a morning post and end the day with a night post to keep myself accountable and help others. Keep pushing. Cause while we will fail again and again, only quitting will guarantee the failure. Winners will fall and get up. Keep getting up and you’ll never be defeated. God bless you all and keep fighting the good fight!