Honestly? I hate it here.
I watched porn for over 10 years. Then I spent 3 more trying to quit. I finally did, and stayed off for 2 years. But when life got unpredictable, I went back, needing to feel ‘in control’. I went from 730 days clean, to struggling just to get through 3 days. 3 DAYS!! I’m getting married in a couple weeks. We’ve been abstinent for years. Now it feels like unexplored territory. And I’m scared of what I might find. Thankfully, we talk about it. And we’re working through it, together. Thankfully, QUITTR community exists. And we’re all on this journey, together. But still, I hate that we are. I hate that we have to be. I hate how it feels like I’m split into two: The me I want to be, and the one I keep falling into. So, honestly? I hate it here. But maybe … here is where I’ll finally, truly heal. Amen.
Don’t look at it like a loss. It’s all apart of the journey. Get back up and don’t be so hard on yourself. That’s not who you are anymore and you know it. Stay strong.