i hate this addiction so much

i know i’ll sound weird or crazy to some of yall but i would look at women inappropriately it’s weird i know it’s bad it’s horrible even it actually hurts to say i’ve imagined my family like that it’s disgusting real fucking disgusting i had this girl friend once her name was Bella she was the most sweetest girl she had her problems i had mine we both got out of a relationship we didn’t want to be in we feel in love and unfortunately we rushed it everyday we would send explicit pictures to each other we enjoyed it we didn’t enjoy the feeling afterwards we hated it we both said it and yet it still happened day after day until one afternoon i ended the relationship because of issues that im not ready to discuss we avoided each other we were sad mad at everything we got back together after a week we were happy but what happened was during that week she sent her nudes to a different guy and the guy wanted to leak them unfortunately i got the blame for it all i’ve tried to make things right it worked for a little bit until my friends got involved but seriously it was my fault for not telling them to stop a lot of our problems came from me and i accept that i hope to change this awful thing i am i hope to turn this “mindless porn freak” into a loving boy next year is my senior year of high school and i don’t know if im graduating because im behind on credits all im hoping for is hope i know that’s probably a bad play on words but im sure you get what im trying to say but this hope is what i need to beat my addiction what i need to beat this out of me i wish i never watched porn i feel disgusting thinking about it and it’s fucked up i wish i can change for the people around me