12 Day Streak But… NEED ADVICE
Okay just want to preface, this has really nothing to do with my journey. However in Jesus name I’m on day 12 which I’m so grateful to Jesus for! Ok let’s get into it… Hi guys! So recently I've been wrestling with a big issue in my relationship with my girlfriend... That's trust, arguing less and me wanting to be with my "type". Let's start with TRUST. Now, I trust her 100% but it's her that doesn't trust me. When we first tied the knot 1.5 years ago (I was a f-boy and I wasn't on my walk with Jesus yet) and was fooling around with 2 girls - 1 my exact type and the other being my current gf (who on the face value looks nothing like my type but is still gorgeous). Long story short, the one that was my "type" ended things with me and I decided to pursue my current gf because she actually seemed really cool and I wanted to give this a shot and see where it could lead. What ended up happening next was awful. My gf somehow ended up finding out about the other girl and knew that I was seeing her at the same time as her and knew that that girl was my "type" and felt like the second option. Over the course of the relationship this has been a huge problem and even though she said she got over it, she never really let it go. This has been the root of all arguments and resentment in the relationship and she's never been able to recover from it no matter how many times she's said so. With that being said, i've had countless fights with her where I would reassure her, comfort her but she'd always go back to this negative thinking. Also keep in mind - we got baptized together, she does everything for me, cooks for me, cleans for me, loves me unconditionally but we always go back to the same old "past". Not only that but I've been thinking now for a very long time that as I'm on my walk with God, I should be getting married soon so I'm not constantly sinning and lusting over other girls. That being said, with all the arguing, not being on the same page and her not being my exact "type" I often find myself wrestling with if I should even continue this knowing I don't want to marry her or staying because it just feels comfortable and safe. Our families have a great relationship with eachother and on the face value things look perfect (she'd also do absolutely anything for me and 100% loves me more than I love her). I've never been in this situation before because usually it's the other way around and I feel so bad to break her heart but she's incredibly jealous, I can never just hang out with my friends because she thinks I'll do something and she always wants to spend time with me (I sleep over her house almost daily and that's 100% my fault). She comes from a great deal of wealth and I know I'd be set staying with her but that sounds so awful even me typing this I feel like a POS but I've just stayed cause it feels safe. Deep down I know I don't want to marry her and know that if I just "settle" I'll have more regret by not doing actually going for what i want. It's great that she's a christian now and attends church with me every Sunday but I'm just so confused. And God says "for God is not a God of confusion but of peace." and I feel like if I'm confused it might not be right for me. I know this was a lot and I really appreciate if you've even read this far. But tonight I'm thinking of breaking things. And it hurts so bad rn thinking of it but any thought/insight or opinions would be great right now. Thanks in advance brothers!
This is gonna sound real harsh because it is Bro, you say you’re walking with Jesus yet you are living in sin. Sex before marriage is clearly not ok in the Bible. From the story you’ve laid out it sounds to me like she was and still is not your first choice. The whole thing about “types” is bs. She feels that. And any “comfort” you give will not be genuine. So here is my advice. Stop using her. If you have no intention of marrying her you need to end it. It sounds like you’ve been stringing her along from the very beginning. She doesn’t deserve that. She deserves someone who will love her and cherish her and not remind her that she isn’t their “type”. The other option would be to get your shit together and learn to love and honor her as a husband would and make a commitment. But you have a long road to earn her trust back. But I’ll tell you the confusion you have with her, it won’t go away just because you break up with her and find someone else. Until you learn what it means to truely love someone. To lay down your life for them like Christ did for his church. To lay down your pride. You won’t be satisfied in any of your relationships