Struggle

I don’t know why but every time I feel as though I’m doing good or I’m doing better and every time I start actually getting somewhere I get hit with a wave of stress and it’s just back to back stress waves and then I relapse this cycle I’ve been going through and sometimes I feel like if I wasn’t introduced to it at such a young age some of the stuff that’s happened to me wouldn’t have ever happened my confidence would’ve been way higher my self esteem everything about myself would’ve been better if I just wasn’t introduced and I want to go back to the kid the person I used to be but I’m so far so deep in this addiction it feels unbearable and it’s been my stress reliever for so long it’s almost inescapable I’m really trying I want to quit but it’s getting so suffocating because I keep relapsing this journey may take longer than expected but I’m here for it because I want to be a better person overall I’m getting back on track and back on my narrow path with god and I pray he can give me the strength and guidance I need to get through this I also need to be more dependent on him instead of trying to be independent and doing it on my own I realize that this isn’t something I can do on my own and I’m glad to have come across this app and this community because it feels like a safe space where I won’t be judged because of my struggles and I appreciate this community more than anyone will know🥲