some thoughts

I’m gay and I’ve been watching porn for a long time, but my relationship with it has always been complicated. I’ve only been in two serious relationships, and during them I didn’t really watch it much until I found out my partner was. That’s when I’d get upset and start watching it again, not even because I really needed it, but because I didn’t want to feel like the only one holding back. It turned into this kind of double standard. I’d justify it by telling myself I wasn’t fantasizing about anyone specific or relying on it emotionally, but it still messed with me. I haven’t been in a relationship for a while now, and I’m trying to fully quit, but honestly, it feels a lot harder when I’m not in a relationship. When you don’t have someone to connect with physically or emotionally, it’s easy to fall back into porn just to fill that gap even when you don’t really want to. And with how normalized porn is in the gay community, I worry that if I do get into another relationship, it’s going to be hard to find someone who shares my mindset about quitting and will make me fall back into the same rabbit hole. Just wanted to share this in case anyone else has dealt with something like this