Inspired

Lately, I've been stuck in a loop relapsing every other day. l'd make a streak or two, then slip. The urges haven't been as extreme as before. No more hours lost in a trance of browsing and fapping excessively. Recently, l'd stop after just one release which I consider is an improvement. But let's be real, a relapse is still a relapse. Anyway, that's not what this post is really about, but just wanted to share a quick update for my intro anyway haha! I titled this "Inspired" because today, I felt something shift. There's this girl at the gym. She's curvy, pretty, and just my type. I don't plan to pursue her because I'm still working on myself physically and mentally. And as a petite guy, I honestly kinda feel intimidated that she's thicker than me. But she sparked something in me. Not lust. Not fantasy. But inspiration. I want to grow. Get stronger. Build a physique I'm proud of. So that the next time l'm into someone, I'll have the confidence to walk up, say hi, and not shrink back. And I know that starts with more than just lifting weights. Along with it is recovering from porn addiction for real. Because porn kills confidence. It numbs emotion. It turns real attraction into passive consumption and isolation. I don't want that anymore. I want to live real. And maybe one day, meet someone real when I'm finally ready.