Behind the relapse

This is a long story so prepare to read, for anyone out there who has 10 days plus or is starting I want you to know it’ll be lonely I had 32 days didn’t watch porn, I went to the gym, I prayed, I ate right, my style went up, I had more confidence and was improving on talking to ppl but yk what I felt the most at night I felt lonely I shot my shot with so many girls and they all rejected me tough pill to swallow another tough pill to swallow is that I spent 430 dollars on paying for sex I got scammed for 183 and paid sum one to have sex with me for 200 had to pay for my ride there and back but as I was doing it she didn’t even moan she just took it in that moment I felt so stupid I just spent 200 dollars on what I could’ve did and saved money yes I wore a condom btw but I spent all that money just to get one nut and for her to then use that money to Buy weed right in my face I feel so ashamed of myself and want to be alone but I can’t even tell my own family that’s how bad it is I’m not mad at anyone but myself not mad at the girls that rejected me or ppl that I told that didn’t take it seriously when I showed my cousins how far I made it they laughed in my face and said I needed a app to quit it I then told them that yes I do because I was addicted for so long and they still laughed in my face I got high and spent that money it wasn’t worth it but what’s done is done and what’s forward is what’s forward I’m sad to see my streak go away but all roads have speed bumps some Have setbacks I’ll learn from this I will day by day again I will be great I will beat this and be the best version cause I was happy but I was so lonely I’ll fix that but first I’ll fix myself it’s 4 am rn I still feel a lil buzz from being high I’ll do better till next time