I am tired of letting myself down.

I know i am better but i do not show it. I am tired of the regret, tired of the shame i feel when my brother walks in on me, of the stress of convincing myself that this is ok, that this is normal. I’m tired of praying for forgiveness and telling god that each day is a reset. I hate this cycle. No matter what i learn i never take my own wisdom. I need assistance and help and i honestly don’t know what to do sometimes