I’m horrible

Im so tired of failure im tired of hiding this addiction i hate how normalized it is and im failing my relationship by hiding this and I know i have to keep it together and cant let it come out but i owe it to myself and to her to quit this Bull shit once and for all I’ve deleted all my accounts and I’m starting fresh I can’t do it anymore it’s sickening I just hope I can finally do it I’m so disappointed and disgusted with myself I hate myself for caving in every time I just want it to be over