Relapsed during anger

Hey yall, I just relapsed not even five minutes ago and I was fuming. Long story short, I have been dealing with a breakup for over a month now, my ex wanted to stay friends because she wants her friend but not a relationship (her words) and I didn’t. I drunk called her Saturday, apologized Sunday, and later I said that I think it’d be best if we didn’t talk right now because I want to heal. She blew up on me and insisted on giving me back a gift I got her, she left it on my truck while I was at work yesterday, I didn’t get it because I didn’t much care and figured it’d be there when I leave, she texted me and found out, went and took it back and said “get it by noon tomorrow or I take it to your house” I went out at 12:20 and it wasn’t there, didn’t figure much, later she texts me asking if I got it, I said no and that I went out at 12:20, she said “doesn’t sound like before noon” and then told me that she never even dropped it off because she didn’t think I would go out. Then she went on and on blaming me for everything in the relationship and that I was elfos hand only used her for her body, and never even really wanted sex, despite me telling her I was done and don’t want a fight. She then told me that she was still worried that when she took my virginity, it was lust and I was using her, I admitted that the night we had sex, I fell into that temptation, I was drunk, and took that chance, it was consensual but I definitely did persist, and I was okay with having sex and so was she (or so I thought), but I told her that it wasn’t lust, it was love, I didn’t feel an obligation to be with her just because of sex, she was more than her body. And then she blew up on me again saying “goodbye” and blah blah blah. She wouldn’t take my word on anything. I know I know the truth, and that’s what matters, but it’s just infuriating, not to mention she said that she tried to avoid sex so she could see that I was “with her for her” we never talked about not having sex, and on top of it, she blamed me that I didn’t communicate and that’s why we broke up. I’m cooling down now and I’m upset that I relapsed, but I can’t go back. But like man, I just needed to vent, am I tripping? Am I really that awful? I don’t use her, I have our relationship my best and I tried.