Day 1

I’ve had a problem with this for a while, it got to the point where i didn’t seek companionship anymore really. How the day ended I got with a beautiful girl the other day and while it was fun I don’t think I truly enjoyed it, the entire time I was critiquing her body in the back of my head like everybody is supposed to be built in the perfect body and do the right thing at the right time. The best I felt that night was the little moments inbetween it when you are your most vulnerable with the other person but can still find the beauty and closeness with it. I realized how badly porn was affecting me when I tried to push through those moments just to try and get back to some action and do things that didn’t feel natural but you’d see in a flick thinking that was supposed to happen. I know I needed a change and been through the couple day cycles where I’ve done good but nothing has stuck, I want to live and experience life to its fullest and there’s no reason to half a false pretense and vision of women in that. I feel lost in trying to find love or a relationship and I’m pretty sure my addiction is why, I don’t know if this should be here or my notes but typing my mind out helps. We can all do this together I feel better being apart of this and it’s only been 3 days.