Struggling
Day 5
by Kyle
56 upvotes
Five days ago my wife discovered I’d relapsed and been using porn again. This isn’t the first time. It’s been very difficult and she hasn’t been doing well with it, but she’s been here. Today in passing she made some comments that made it seem as though she is not intending to stay with me long term. When I asked her to elaborate she couldn’t and didn’t know what she planned. I know it was a possibility but it still cut like a knife. I hate this addiction. I hate that I’ve ruined her life with it. It’s put me into a dark mood and I’m struggling to climb back out of it.
You NEED to quit and show you’re quitting. You will lose her if you don’t. You’re married, porn is cheating especially if you’re “engaging” (commenting, doing live chat, buying/subscribing to anything, on livestreams). You have to stop, and you have to take in the harsh reality that she will leave you if you don’t. You need to go nuclear. Get rid of your smart phone stick with a flip, have a blocker on your internet, and get therapy. You’re an adult, make an adult decision. Here is the flip side of it - maybe you’re getting something from pornography that you aren’t from her, which is not a conversation to be had right now but something to consider. This could be a growing thing for both of you & your relationship. Say for example (and I’m not saying you are) you’re both overweight or you’re having problem with your sex drive - these are problems that can be fixed primarily with regular exercise and diet but also through couples therapy and things like testosterone boosters and more sleep. Hold her, tell her you love her, don’t be weak and whine about it but don’t clam up and just ignore it either, and admit to her your problem and tell her you will stop and that you will make this work but only if you mean it. Tend to her needs, be there for her, and apologize. Don’t expect her to just be totally fine; you need to show day by day that you meant it and that you’re a man of your word. Don’t be the victim, don’t whine, ding complain, but show her you’re serious. You got this man, I pray to G-d you internalize this and make it. May He bless you with the strength you need to overcome this, to mature, and to recover and live the rest of your life happily with her.