feeling empty but im back on track

past several days have been relapse after relapse, not porn but just online sexting. i feel no joy or satisfaction afterwards, i feel like i need to be of service and help someone on the other end get off so i’m… worth something? useful? less lonely? its stemmed from an addiction to porn to an addiction to online sexting and E-sex. but it’s just… nothing. same dopamine rush with the added sense of helping someone achieve climax. but i don’t want this anymore. i know it’s an addiction cos i know i don’t need it but i do it anyway for the very very very fleeting sense of pleasure and gratitude. anyway, just needed to share something into the ether since i haven’t gotten a therapist yet. i want to get back on track and keep growing and changing and finally break all these old habits that have weighed me down for so very long. wish me luck, i know i can do this. every step forward i take, i want to stay there.