Numb

When I feel down, my mind turns to porn because it knows it will give me a lot of dopamine but rn I don’t feel better at all. So porn doesn’t actually make it better, only worse. Today I just felt a bit numb, I honestly don’t really like my job, I don’t feel free, it’s my first job after finishing university and I have honestly learnt so much and made great friends but I also feel a lot of pressure from my boss, and it’s not what I want to do. Idk how to explain it but I’m just numb and today I wanted to find a healthy way to entertain myself so I feel better. I watched a movie, I exercised, but at the end of the day I ended up masturbating and watching porn. Now I see it doesn’t make things better. I need to find a better way to cheer myself up when I’m feeling down. I am not going to stay in shame or guilt. I feel God working in me, even today I really didn’t want to watch porn, it’s feeling different, almost like I’m losing interest in it. However I feel like I may also be losing interest in other things and I think it’s honestly because of my job. Idk tbh, I’m thinking out loud. I know that God is in control. Pray for me brothers and sisters, that God will lift me out of the pit and set me on high ground.