Need help - contemplating the end of me

Bro whether you’re manic or not. You are a strong ass dude. You fucking matter and you have a place on earth. Understand that life is gonna be a journey and you’re not going to be able to compare yours to others. You’re on the right path bro.

You’ve likely heard when Jesus said that looking with lust is already committing the sin of adultery in ones heart but I read this last night in my quiet time and I think it could help you “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”” ‭1 Samuel‬ ‭16‬:‭7‬ ‭ESV‬‬ It is natural to look and admire, but that’s just part of man’s corrupted sin nature. A thought that’s been helping me recently is that whatever she has physically is for her future husband to admire and enjoy. While porn is a demon in a league of its own…this thought pattern has actually has flipped the way I see advertisements for things like victorious secret. My heart actually hurts seeing it because beautiful women are seen by the whole world in lingerie when that should be saved between husband and wife Praying you find victory and deliverance from this brother.

I’ve been manic/hardcore psychosis episodes for extended periods of time for up to a year; yr, 1/2 at several times in the past 6-7 years, and every episode I believe I am in contact direct with God, satan .. can communicate with cia, nsa, women are falling in love with me via telepathy and even further bro I can’t even begin. Maybe someday. I don’t know what to think. I don’t even know if counselors have the answers I’m looking for. I’ve tried several but they don’t specialize in those areas.

Bro you’re incredibly strong for being able to look at those thoughts from another prospective. I’m insanely proud of you. That’s step one is looking at your problems and declaring it a problem. Some people will go there whole life just blocking out those thoughts. Those thoughts are what’s going to give you the strength to change. I knows it’s hard seeing the future especially when you have been diagnosed with mental health issues. Pray pray pray. Ask god for the strength you need. I’m praying for you.

We’re not gonna call you out, it’s Lust, the sole opposite of Love. That dang thing that’s happening to you now, just wants you to use women, but I saw on the same boat as you, I just wanted to smash everybody in sight even if they were unattractive.. it’s a bad habit to develop but they always say the only thing that beats lust is love I’ll keep you in my prayers tonight. Don’t be tricked, that’s all lust will try to do.